Here’s What I Want You To Know…

…About the Uniqueness of Others

I live with a man who is high energy, outgoing, disciplined, and driven. He sees in terms of right and wrong and there are no gray areas. He sets high standards for himself and others. He is loyal and wholly committed. If something is to be done, it needs to be done now and it needs to be done right. He thrives on people and social events. He nurtures relationships and is very ready to lend a hand.

I value quiet and solitude. I take my time to process and ponder. I am never in much of a hurry about anything. I avoid crowds, social events, and noise. I do enjoy the fellowship of a few well-chosen friends. I approach problems cautiously after much thought and planning. I do nothing quickly or impulsively. You see the problem.

In our early years together, these contrasting traits led to many heated conflicts, resentments, and wounded feelings. How do we live life together when we are so unalike? It was a learning process. It was a loving process.

I misunderstood his actions many times. For example, when he would leave me at a large gathering to mingle and converse with everyone in the room, I would feel abandoned. And when I was deeply engrossed in a book or the movie plot or the lyrics of a song and was slow to respond to him, he thought he was not important to me and that I was shutting him out.

When he was eager that we accomplish a task, I felt pressured by him and irritated at his prodding of my slow and lazy self. When I isolated myself for a time, he came looking for me—much to my dismay. Yet as all this conflict was going on, there was never any doubt in either of us that we loved each other and we would find a way to work through these clashes. God had much to teach us about ourselves and each other.

It is ironic that the very traits that attracted me to him were often the things that were chafing as we experienced our marriage and family life. I had loved that he was open and friendly. I admired his go-get-’em and can-do attitudes. I had great respect for his character. But now those things bumped up against my very different way of being.

Over the years as we came to know each other in deeper ways, the Lord revealed to us what was meant by becoming one flesh. It is more than just the physical relationship. We began to see that where he was weak, I was strong and where I was lacking, he supplied what was needed. We were not in conflict—we complemented each other. Because of our makeup, because of our differences, we made a stronger team. I reined him in when his enthusiasm got the better of him. He roused me out of my own head and into adventure and the experiences of life. We were made for each other. God always knew what kind of person we each needed to sharpen us.

This is what I want you to know about those who are nothing like you. They have something to teach you. They have something you just may need. Accept them for who they are and be grateful for their strengths. Appreciate those differences. Let them be who they are even as you grow in who you are. A good sense of humor goes a long way in addressing these variations of personality. Be willing to laugh at yourself. And remember: God has this very person in your life for a reason.

“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of a friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

“Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a three-fold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12).