“Ointment and perfume delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delightby hearty counsel.” Proverbs 27:9

Choosing Your Friends

When I was very young, my only friends were my cousins. My parents would take me to the cousins’ houses and I would play with their toys, and they hated that. Or their parents would bring them to my house, and they would play with my toys, and I hated that. Overall, it was not something to look forward to at that age.

When I was old enough to leave my house to play with kids in the neighborhood, I did so as often as possible, and we would ride bikes in the cul-de-sac or skate on the sidewalk or play with friends’ pets. (At one point, we particularly loved to hold furry little hamsters.) But looking back at this time, I was never entirely comfortable with the neighbor kids. They watched TV shows I wasn’t allowed to watch. They used language that I knew was bad. They taught me to play games I’d never heard of and their parents were unfamiliar faces to me. But unless my parents told me I couldn’t play with a certain person, all the kids were equal in my mind, and anyone available was the friend of the day.

Of course, my later childhood, teen, and young adult years were very much infuenced by my friends. At that age, we had what it takes to choose some friends and to refuse some others. We hung out with whoever we were comfortable with, the people that were really fun or shared our values. We may have chosen people who we admired and wanted to be like—at least I know I did.

With the exception of a couple of people, all the old friends in my life have moved on. But there is one human being who has been with me since birth—my own self. This person—myself—whom I live with continually creates a kind of “climate” to live in, just as friends (and enemies) always change the atmosphere of a room. And so, I am either bringing to myself a climate of friendliness and light and joy, or criticism and dark thoughts and complaining. I can either encourage or discourage myself with the things I say to myself—I either tell myself good things, or I make myself miserable.

We will become like the people we spend time with. This seems a little silly when we talk about spending time with ourselves—but you have to agree, we all have that voice in our head that talks to us continually, telling us our thoughts and directing our feelings, tempting us to sin, bringing memories of good and bad times, processing information, warning us of danger, interpreting our surroundings, reminding us of Scriptures.

What are you saying to yourself? What kind of a friend are you being to yourself? “To him who is afflicted, kindness should be shownby his friend….” (Job 6:14). I exhort you to be familiar enough with God’s Word that you can speak His words to yourself.

Father, may Your Spirit bring to our minds Your own words about us when we are keeping our own company. Amen.