Here’s What I Want You To Know…

…About A Cancer Diagnosis

Day after day life flowed sweetly along. Everything was as it should be. My husband had undergone surgery for a common cancer and “the margins were clear.” We sailed on blissfully happy with the fullness of life the Lord had granted us. Months went by and then one ordinary afternoon he came home from a routine checkup with the news that his particular cancer was not in fact “common,” but rare and extremely aggressive. My husband of many years was given 12 to 36 months of life before this aggressor would kill him. It was a death sentence. To be given such a forecast of the remaining length of the life left to you made it fearfully real. It was sobering and it was devastating.

Everything changed in a moment. I had never been in such a crisis as this before. There was a sickness in my gut that settled deep in me. I felt a weight upon my heart. I bore a burden that continually gnawed at my mind.

There were so many things to consider as the days went on. We got finances and legal papers in order. We talked of end of life issues. We prepared funeral plans for both of us. It is a surreal thing to be making arrangements for your own demise. We broke the news to family. Nothing was easy in those days. Tears flowed as hearts were breaking.

I tried to imagine how I would live alone, without this husband I had loved for decades. I had leaned on him and him on me. He had been my provider, my protector, and my prince. I had been well loved and spoiled by his kindness, his generosity, and his servant heart. Who was I without this beloved man?

After the initial shock our hearts began to settle and we considered how we would live out our remaining time together. We would live fully all the days left to us. I wanted to be strong for his sake, so I confined my tears to times alone. We would live well and joyfully. I wanted it to be as easy and peaceful as I could make it for him. I prayed, “God, help me do this right.” On his part, my husband was at peace with his circumstance. He looked forward to heaven.

One thing became unquestionable during this time. We would trust in God. We would pray for healing, for wisdom and for direction, but above all else, no matter the answer, we would trust in God. And all along the way, I found a crazy peace that sustained me. I was encouraged by a word, a hug, an outpouring of love from friends and family, and scripture, especially through the Psalms. The worship song “Oceans” became our battle cry. Times of prayer were whole-hearted and assuring. God was near and that was enough. We were utterly surrendered to God’s will in all these things. We were in His hands. He was with us and His love carried us when we felt we could not go on.

To God’s glory despite the doctors’ prognosis, despite the devastating test results time and again, God healed my husband. I have no words. I cannot explain it. Yet today, long past the 36-month best case scenario, he is cancer free.

So this is what I want you to know. Trust God. Surrender to His sovereign will no matter where that might take you. Savor fully each day you are given. He will supply whatever you need whether it be peace, endurance, wisdom, grace, or the strength to bear a hideous burden. He will find you in the sorrow, in the fears that assail in the night, in the confusion and unanswered questions. He will meet you there as you are and as you may need.

“When my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever. I will trust in the shadow of Your wings.” Psalm 61:2-4