“I am weary with my crying; my throat is dry; my eyes fail while I wait for my God.” Psalm 69:3

Desert

Sometimes I find myself in dry places where meaning and purpose become hazy. I lose passion. Any desire to work or create or accomplish fails me. Perhaps it is a form of depression. My mother used to say that she had the blues. I get to the point where I just don’t seem to care about much of anything. Colors fade, sounds are grating, the heart lacks joy, and the future is grey. Blah!

The thing that fascinates me during these times is that my faith remains certain and steadfast. I am still utterly convinced of God’s love for me. I am secure in my salvation. I fully intend to go on with God even without excitements and emotions. Worship does not bring me into His presence, but my heart is still convinced He is there with me. I worship anyway. I worship because He remains my God in this desert and He is worthy of worship.

The word of God sometimes seems routine and even tedious. How many times have I read this passage? And yet I read it again for I do not question the truth and wisdom of the ancient text.

I go to church and hear teaching, sing songs of praise, and converse with other believers, for it has become my habit to do so. I do these things in faith believing God would have me do them whether I feel like it or not.

I pray and feel that my words are thin and meaningless. Yet I know He hears me. Despite my state, despite my lack, despite my weaknesses, He has not changed. He has not moved. I am the one who is unstable and subject to these moods.

Over time I have come to see that these periods of darkness come and go. They do not define me. God defines me. Color and life, anticipation and excitement, joy and hope return just as suddenly as they had abandoned me. God is faithful to me whether I am on the mountain or wandering in a cold, dark valley. He will be there to walk with me in any circumstance.

In the desert waste, remain faithful to the things He has shown you. Remember Your God. In due time you will come to the oasis and refreshing waters. He sees you. He is leading you on.

“Then God opened her eyes; and she saw a well of water…” (Genesis 21:19).

“Father, You do not change and You will not fail us. Our trust in You takes precedence over our emotions. Great is Your faithfulness. Amen.”