“But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.” Psalm 86:15 ESV
First Love
Recently, I went with a friend to her in-laws’ home to give her mother-in-law a haircut. She has dementia, and her husband is her sole caregiver. He said she hadn’t had a haircut in about 4 years. She seemed to be having a good day, and could respond when spoken to.
After her haircut, her daughter-in-law helped her back to a comfortable chair in the living room, while her father-in-law showed me his beautiful woodcarvings that he makes. At one point, I commented on how his wife is still so beautiful. He said, “I tell her that all the time, but she just makes faces at me when I say it.” She cast him a beaming smile, and he gave her a wink and blew her a kiss. GAAA! It was so sweet, I died a little! I teared up, and that moment gave me a glimpse of their love story that started when she was 14 and he was 15, when they met at a church dance.
This beautiful example of their first (and only) love got me thinking about something I hear often in Christian circles: “I need to return to my first love,” meaning, back to the excitement and commitment they felt when they were new believers, basking in the glow of the love of Christ. May I confess something to you? I struggle with this concept.
I was led (okay, coerced) to the Lord as a young teen, and while I was sincere, I didn’t fully understand what getting saved was. The person who led me in the prayer didn’t live near me, so for the next several years, I had almost no discipleship. I had no church to go to, and I knew very few Christians. At 18, I started attending church, and everyone there operated under the assumption that I’d been walking with the Lord for years, but in fact, I was still a baby. I didn’t know enough to tell them otherwise, so I floundered along the best I could. I still shudder at the remembrance of being at a home fellowship, and someone made us go around the room and share our favorite Bible verse! Naturally, the only one I knew was John 3:16! During sermons, I would have light bulb moments as subjects I’d heard about were suddenly brought to light. Gradually and oh-so-slowly, I began to grow. It wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties before I threw myself wholeheartedly into my walk with the Lord.
I have had times of feeling envious, and even less than, to those who get to have that first love experience. I would love to feel the love, but for me, I have to operate under the knowledge. As the song goes, Jesus loves me, this I know… I once heard someone say in a teaching about how they “know in their knower”, and this is what I do. When times are difficult, I can really fall into feeling unloved, so I need to rely on the knowledge that I am, indeed, loved by God.
“Father, thank You for loving me unconditionally in spite of how I may be feeling. Your love surpasses all understanding! May I never cease to be grateful. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you for being transparent about YOUR story! So grateful
for this today. ❤