“Let Your steadfast love comfort me according to Your promise to Your servant.” Psalm 119:76 (ESV)

Well-Meaning Friends

Have you ever had a well-meaning friend try to comfort you or give you advice in the middle of a difficult time? Sometimes people just don’t know what to say when others are suffering. Sometimes our words or advice fall short of what we intend to convey.

The book of Job is a story of one man’s suffering and how God shows up in the midst of it. Job lost his possessions, his wealth, and his children. Then he was struck with painful boils from head to toe. Over time, Job’s physical afflictions began to break his spirit. This is when his three friends show up. They sit in silence for seven full days, mourning with their friend. They support him and grieve with him. At the end of that time, Job speaks out in his misery. He is confused and he is questioning why this is happening.

Over the next several chapters, Job’s friends begin to speak. Unfortunately, not all friends give good advice. Job’s friends do give us some good tips for what not to do when we want to minister to a friend who is suffering.

Eliphaz speaks from the perspective of what he has seen. He bases what he knows about God and life on his own past experiences.

Bildad says to “inquire of past generations.” He bases what he knows on tradition. How it has always been done must be the right way, right?

Zophar bases what he says on assumptions.

They are all three legalistic and judgmental. They shame Job. Their discussion escalates into an angry dispute.

When you sit with someone who is suffering, remember that your assumptions can blind you from the truth. These friends had no idea that the suffering their friend was experiencing was the result of spiritual battle outside of his control. They came across as condemning rather than loving.

Heaping shame on someone just adds guilt on top of their suffering and increases their anguish.

Be careful that your pride does not get in the way. When you believe you have the final answer, you impair your ability to show mercy and love. Sometimes it’s better to just sit quietly with them and let them know they are loved. Love is always the right answer.

At the end of the book, God speaks. He doesn’t tell Job why he has suffered, but He does show up in a big way. He lets Job know that He is God and His ways are higher than our ways. He corrects Job’s friends for their misguided advice and He restores Job’s possessions two-fold. He blesses him with ten more children, and Job lives many more years in the goodness of the Lord.

“Lord, when we comfort those who are suffering, teach us to sit quietly when it is appropriate and to speak when the time is right. As Your love has comforted us, let us also comfort those around us. Amen.”