“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial.” James 1:12

Why I Fight Against Death

In response to my update sharing about my 6-year battle with cancer, I was asked a question. The person said if we know we’re going to heaven to be with Jesus when we die—which is a wonderful thing—why do we battle to fight sickness to stay alive? It wasn’t a criticism, it was a simple question—and I think it’s a valid one. There are probably lots of answers to that, but I’ll just share my personal journey.

For me the simplest, most basic answer is because I felt the Lord told me to persevere—to not give up. I actually think that’s a foundational principle of the Christian walk with whatever hardship we face, but, for me, it was very specific in what I was facing. I knew God would have to help me to persevere—and He has! I also felt there were things He wanted to teach me—and He’s done that! He has been with me every day, every hour, every minute. Many of those days, hours, and minutes have been hard…but I have never felt alone.

Another issue for me is that I wanted to continue to be by Floyd’s side in what he was going through. I vowed before God “for better or worse” in my commitment to Floyd when I married him 53 years ago. This has definitely been on the “worse” scenario side…but I wanted to be with him. Because of his condition, I can’t physically take care of him myself. But I have overseen and managed his care during all this time he’s been sick. There have been hundreds of details to take care of. I’m so grateful that I’ve been alive to do that.

Still another issue for me is my love for my family, especially my children and grandchildren. My heart’s desire was to see them growing into all God has for them. I didn’t want to leave them prematurely. I have loved being able to continue watching them grow and mature—especially my two grandchildren. Watching my granddaughter’s high school graduation, even though it was viral and long distance,  was a special gift to my heart.

Ultimately, even if we “battle” to fight our illness, we are still in God’s hands. He’s in control, not us. He knows the number of our days. I could have done everything I’ve done in fighting cancer, and God could have taken me home long before now. I realize that my part is to persevere and to also continually give myself into His hands. He will take me home when it’s in His will and timing. Floyd and I have both been close to death’s door—Floyd especially on many occasions—but we’re still here. I believe with all my heart that there are plans and purposes on the heart of God for those delays. I trust Him for those purposes.

I’m not a theologian, so perhaps I’m being too simplistic, but this is how I have responded, what I believe. I have had peace on this journey even though it’s not always been easy. I am so grateful for God’s sustaining grace that has helped me along.

Lord, every day is a sweet gift from You. On the hard days, You have sustained me, and someday I’ll join You in heaven. What more could I ask for? Thank You.